The Faithful Leaf

This here is a leaf which refused to blow off all the way from Mutiara Damansara to Shah Alam. At first I was hoping for it to fly away while I was driving (because it was distracting my eyes from the road) but when it refused to budge as I was approaching Kelana Jaya, I started hoping that it would stick with me till Shah Alam. And it did!

I wonder why this leaf stuck on my windshield all the way? It has developed a love affair with my windshield? An affinity between plant cells and tampered glass? Probably not. It's more probable to attribute this phenom to surface tension of water. It had rained abit earlier and the leaf was affixed to my windshield by a droplet of rain water. But it is a funny thing that the droplet did not dry up in the wind when i drove from PJ to Shah Alam!

Angry? Me? Nah...

Being a Narcissus, I randomly browsed back my previous posts and found that quite a few of them were written in an angry manner... which makes me wonder - whether I was actually an angry youth in denial all this while? The truth is I write best when I'm worked up with emotion, which manifest best in its most pungent form - anger! And yes, I do admit to getting angry quickly over small matters... which I thought nobody noticed (since I'm usually very quiet among strangers)... but apparently some people did notice, and I'm now labelled as a chili padi (bird's eye chili).

Anyway, the point of this post is that although I may appear to be angry in an unending string of posts, bear in mind of what was mentioned above - my state of mind and motivation when creating a post! Somehow happy moments never seem to stir up such intense emotions for me to turn on the computer, fight for the internet connection, then deal with the horrible streamyx connection, thinking up of how to start the post off, getting into the mood of writing, knowing when is enough and not becoming a word-overkill, figuring out how to wind up the post, avoid veering into another topic, then cracking my head for an appropriate title and finally clicking "PUBLISH POST"... in the event that streamyx fails me yet another time, the whole process needs to be repeated again (with less dexterity and obvious laclustre). So there you go... blogging is such a bother! I don't know why I continue to do it!! hahaha....

P.S: The reason I blog is this:
1) I get to express my feelings anonymously (maybe not my identity, but that of the persons whom I dislike/love) and therefore preventing me from going mad with pent up emotions
2) I get to flex my writing skills - improve, experiment and a good opportunity to use bombastic words which I can't use in daily writing and speaking (for fear of being stereotyped as a word nerd)
3) I get to put down into writing (or more appropriately classified as softcopy) my memories, thoughts and ideas so that they won't become extinct when I start forgetting (which is already occurring as I type this... hmm... what did I eat for dinner??)

Profile Update

I've changed my profile picture from


monster zack (which was generated using one of the applications on zefrank's website) to


a hibiscus picture I took last year in Tanarimba Janda Baik during one our family weekend away in the mountains.

If you're looking for an explanation behind this picture choice, there isn't one... I just felt that Zacko's mirror image was getting a bit stale. After all, it's been there for a couple of years! There is no significance behind this hibiscus picture... I just used it because it looks nice and I can sleep in peace knowing that I will not stand a chance at being persecuted for copyright infringement!!

If you're asking why I don't post my own photo (of myself), it's because I'm just too damned ugly... hahaha... no, no... it's because I'm just too paranoid at disclosing a picture of ME! (although many of the people stopping by here would actually know how I look already... hehe)

I've also added an answer to a random question by Blogger.com in my profile. :0)

And it's quite embarrassing to admit that my blog template has not been perfected (although it's been months!)... I need to find the time to sit down and go through the CSS, adjusting it to see what effects take place. If YOU happen to know how to right the alignment problems in my blog template, please leave a comment! thanks!!

Maybe I'm Just Being Defensive, But Hear Me Out!

Shame-facedly, I must admit that Facebook has become an integral part of my day and like the millions of complains about 'overly-liberal' wall posts, status updates and comments, I have recently followed suit in becoming yet another statistic. One who has read a 'status update' and feels inflamed to issue a rebuttal to its content.

Yes, this may be the cowardly way of handling the matter - instead of replying straight to that 'status update', thus looking the devil in the eye... But I believe that a little bit of diplomacy is required in handling such touchy sensitive issues. It is highly unlikely that the person in question (or any other persons who know that person) would stumble upon this post in this obscure blog, therefore I feel it is a safe medium to air my disagreement where my criticism would have minimal negative effect on that person and perhaps some unknowing reader may learn a thing or two (hopefully). While at the same time I get to pen down (or rather, type) my two cents worth of the matter.

Friends, family, colleagues, and true acquaintances would know that I do not speak, write or understand any of the dialects in the Chinese languages (ok, maybe I can get away with 5% of Cantonese). While this is not a fact to be glorified upon (by myself), I do not feel any shame of this 'disability' (as some may view it). As smug as this may sound, I believe it is what has made me ME today - my level of proficiency in English, my viewpoint of the world, my sense of responsibility to the society - it has all had an integral part in my education process and upbringing and I do not fault my parents for not 'teaching me Chinese' or sending me to a Chinese school, as every parent has their own style of rearing their kids. This was my parents' method. And perhaps many will have the opinion that "so what? SM isn't great or anything, what's the point?", the point being that, at least I turned out right. I don't go stirring up shit in an already massively-stinking cesspool of insensitivity (which we have aplenty in this country as it is) and I was raised with enough tact not to publicly undermine certain groups of people (which incidentally includes a number of your own friends).

Everyone on this Earth is different, with different talents and abilities, different characters and levels of intelligence. Some of these qualities are inborn while the others may be acquired and no two persons will have the same level of talent or ability to learn. And as we all pride ourselves in being a 'civilised' generation, it is saddening to see that some people cannot accept this fact and feel that they have the right to stand on their high and mighty pedestal of superiority whilst judging those who do not measure up to their 'standards'. No human is perfect! Some may be blessed with a little more, while others have a little less. So let those who 'have' not scoff at the 'have-nots', and instead practice a little bit of humanity by helping out the latter group. When I say 'help', I do not mean giving monetary aid, but rather, words of encouragement or a tactful reasoning session. After all, would you like someone to point out your fault (whatever it may be - everyone undeniably has one) in the eyes of the world and proceed to condemn and put you down? I'm sure anyone sane would answer a solid 'no' to that. Therefore do unto others what you would like others to do unto you.

Admittedly, the Chinese language is gaining more weight of importance in this rapidly-changing world, with many foreseeing a shift in power from the US to China. Yes, the Chinese language may possibly take over the role of English as an international lingua franca in the future. But we must always remember that language is something we can learn and not a talent or exclusivity which only a select group has been born with. And learning is a life-long process - if there is a will, it is not impossible to learn a new language at a ripe old age of 80. So someone who doesn't know the Chinese language now (like me), may very well start learning it in 20 or 30 years time. Is it wrong or criminal? I (and many others in my situation) have the right to choose to learn the language whenever I feel the need arises. After all, it is my life and not knowing a language does not condemn me to hell.

I also acknowledge that not knowing my 'mother tongue' only errodes the conservation of culture and customs passed down through generations. And yes, I'm at fault for being one of the means of this ebbing away of tradition. However, there must be a line drawn between culture and clannishness. Many people fight their case in the name of protecting culture, but ulitmately they are just fighting to keep the status quo in their clan. To inhibit others who physically appear the same as them (but have different mindsets) from going beyond the boundaries of race. And well, frankly I've personally noticed this trend in the people I meet and I think it all boils down on education background and method of upbringing in the family unit. I'm not alone in this observation of the stark difference in the mentality of people of different education backgrounds (of course there are the exceptional cases, which are like diamonds in the dust). Some people just don't get it that academic excellence does not give you a license to be an ass to others!

In lieu with my earlier statement of acknowledging that everyone is different, it is only fair to offer a possible standpoint of 'that person' who chose to condemn a certain group of people (with much support from a couple others who pride themselves of the ability to use the language). Possibly, 'that person' is one who is frank and feel it's alright to issue such statements publicly. I guess it is her right theoretically, so to say, but morally? That's another question altogether. Perhaps she meant well, not intending to offend or undermine people. But again, one must always bear in mind that choice of words is vital in expressing such views (therefore comes into play her proficiency of English - maybe if she'd mastered her English language, she'd be able to conciously avoid stepping on people's tails).

So here ends my sarcastic rebuttal to the issue. Again I remind the reader, that this blog is a ranting ground where most of it is crap but sometimes, just sometimes, the author hopes someone may benefit from it. Happy thinking! The mind is a creative playground where there is no rights and wrongs, just maybes and what-ifs.

Mobilising Lipids

I'm worried. There seems to be some itchiness developing around my eyes. It looks like the skin irritation I have around my lips (as a result of allergies to lipstick).

I can't help but wonder whether all these allergy emergence are linked to me starting to exercise? my clue: the timing (I seem to have a hidden talent to start new things/activities all at the wrong time, making the process of elimination a tricky task).

WARNING and disclaimer: none of the below should be taken seriously... it's just a bit of crap which I was thinking of (there is no basis to its truth or validity).

This is my theory (based on the limited and fast diminishing biochemistry knowledge painstakingly pursued in university). Could it be that my exercising (jogging) has caused my lipids (fats) to be mobilised, hence releasing the lipid-soluble toxins which may have been building up all these years in my body's fat storage? These 'released' toxins then trigger some allergic reaction in my body, producing histamine in excess and causing skin inflammation...

Ok, that might be a heap of crap... but if it has any truth to it, then I can theoretically cure myself by
1) exercising more, thus mobilising more fat and effectively detoxifying my body naturally the slow way
2) stop exercising, and thus stop lipid mobilisation which should the halt the supply of toxins which act as stimulants to the production of histamine

I've not decided what to do yet. However in the meantime, lipice and vaseline (plus many prayers from friends and family members) are helping me tremendously! Perhaps I'll stick with that! :D

Setting Things Right

After sleeping on it, I think my last post may have contained some connotation that my perception of a fun person is one that drinks, do drugs and goes for blind dates etc. Honestly, I don't find much pleasure in those activities (personally). I'm a more laid-back person, preferring to go shopping, reading a good book, appreciating nature and aggravating Zack. However, I feel that what others decide to do in their free time is up to them - it is a matter of personal choice. I'm not one to judge, and I was just stating a preference, not a prescription. So just to set the record straight (for my dear friends/readers whom still drops by this site once a year or so), I've not had a 360 degrees change of heart and have not decided to turn wild! I just need a little change in my life, which I hope will be achieved by adopting the "in life, we must try everything at least once!" motto this year. (that phrase was stressed on by my STPM Chemistry teacher Mrs Tan, in our form 6 days)

What happened in the previous post was just another 'slip' moment of my blabber-mouth. I really need to practice putting a restraint on what I say. Recently, it has caused me to unwittingly step on some people's tails and have become a source of miscommunication. I'd thought that getting older would make me wiser... but it seems to be the opposite case for me! Anyway, every 'slip' has taught me how to handle the situation (damage control). I'm just hoping I'm not too forgetful to repeat the same mistake twice!

Walking Biochemical Havoc

Something is happening to me... and I don't really know what it is (yes, this is no new development - I've always been clueless about myself!). Changes have been taking place, faster than my brain can register.

I think I've mentioned this before - the two 'very stressful' periods in my life resulted in bouts of eczema. I believe those trying times were a result of constant worrying and really late nights, which affectively screwed up my biochemical cycles. With a confusion of hormones, enzymes, neurotransmitters and other biomolecules, my receptors and glands were probably stimulated at the wrong time and for the wrong reasons, resulting in weird allergies popping up, disruption of my monthly cycle and very worrying defecation patterns.

A couple of weeks back, I encountered another one of these 'stressful periods'. The cause? My ICSA Strategic Operations and Management assignment deadline looming up. On the weekend that my draft was due, I'd taken leave from work on Friday and had continuously worked on my laptop till Sunday. I managed to complete a rough draft (with the main part lacking citations, therefore making my 'strategic solution' weak arguments). Anyway, it was continuous lock-eye with the laptop monitor for more than 48 hours and then straight on to Jamiroquai at the Sepang International Circuit! (crazy adrenaline junkie! me - not Jay Kay hehehe)

Jamiroquai on an impressively simple stage!

Let me just mention abit about the 90-minute concert. It was wonderful! Jay Kay and the band sounded exactly like their recording, which just shows how tight they are... and Kay was dancing like he was in his Virtual Insanity mtv!!! Their music just makes you want to groove to the beat and dance your ass off. I wonder why they're not big in the USA?? They're coming back early next year - I need to start saving! (and also find a bunch of friends, who love the band, to go with). This time around, I had to tag along with LK and his friends/band members. They're really a funny friendly duo - but being the extremely reserved person I am, I'd prefer to have a personal friend along with me (this is totally my problem, not them). However all in all, I really enjoyed my time with them - the music, the singing, the stories - had me laughing a good deal more than appropriate. hehehe

Gosh, I've swerved into a tangent at odds with what I'd set out to blog about (horrendous habit!). So yes, I have come to the conclusion that I am indeed a 'walking biochemical havoc'. My system has been turned upside down by stress and irregular sleeping hours and am now paying dearly for it. I can feel my body recovering gradually but it tend to have relapses, which plunges me into another pit of worries. One example is my lip allergy which was triggered by applying a brand new Avon nude lipstick! I did not realise that the itching was actually an allergic reaction until it was too late. It's been more than a month and I'm still having chapped, peeling lips - which hinders me from enjoying my food! Oh, what torture! I need more prayers...

Another change I've had is developing old acquaintances. For the past month or so, thanks to Facebook and Windows Live, I've suddenly started chatting with a couple of friends which I've never chatted to before. Two of which I'm currently chatting with on a near daily basis - they keep me awake during the after-lunch-sleepy-hours in the office. I find this interesting as some of these friends I've never talked to them 10 words while I was in kindergarten, school or university. This recent socialising pattern goes against the flow of my normal communications with my friends - which have made me realise some things about myself and my life.

My findings: I'm a really boring person. I don't drink, party, do drugs or go on blind dates. Instead, I Fb, get all worked up about assignments and give people advice... I seem to lead a life of an old fart - maybe that is my calling! hahaha... And I can't believe I've actually opened up to this person about my past 'so called crushes' (which incidentally was hers too! hahaha) and my ideals in life. We both lead very different lives and in opposite parts of the globe, but somehow or another, there is this bond which keeps us chatting for hours. In a separate case altogether, I've discovered that I can 'talk crap' continuously - Where'd that come from? Maybe with a little more practice and some mentorship from my fellow crapper friend in crime, I'll be able to graduate into a full-fledged conwoman in no time!

For the former (mentioned in the earlier part of the above paragraph), meeting up in person is out of the question, unless one of us were to fly half a world to the other. It's surprising what transpires. The former asked my whether I was into girls when she heard my story. I was shocked and was like "hell no!". hahaha... While for the latter, meeting up seems to be impossible too - the timing is just never right! And I feel so bad for saying 'no' all the time. Well, que sera sera (I seem to be adopting alot of this lately - signs of old age).

And then there are the few whom I've never talked to and barely can remember them from high school. It's fun to discover what they thought of me when I was schooling! However I still don't feel quite at home talking to them. I feel that I need to check what I type before pressing 'send' - it's just a gut feeling... and also a precaution so as not to give people the wrong impression/signals.

Another thing is... I'm becoming such a girly girl! It's horrifying!!! I'm becoming what I've always thought I wasn't... I can't pinpoint what is effecting these changes but I've become somewhat more emotionally inclined... I used to 'not give a shit' (if you know what I mean), but now I'm over-deliberating stuffs and getting all emotional. For example the wardrobe malfunction cases... I couldn't help but cry in front of my colleague! That was really weird... and not to mention - embarrassing!! I need to snap out of this phase and not turn into an emotional ass (as a certain someone puts it).

Big Brother is watching you!

I came home fired up to blog about something i feel strongly about, however, getting my laptop updated to windows xp sp3 and installing windows live messenger has taken too long that half of the fire has been extinguished!

sometimes silly little things can create such intense feelings. i discovered two things today which had this impact on me. being a silly naive person, i've always trusted people whom i've known personally. to be honest, i don't know the extent of validity of the two situations, but if it is true then my feelings of being violated is very real indeed.

some people may find it such fun to play pranks on others by recording them secretly or tapping into their private going-ons. however, it is not so amusing when you are the victim. call me petty, but i really despise it when a person infringes on my privacy, taking it lightly as if my rights were insignificant!

well, i guess this happens everyday to everyone (conscious or unconsciously) and as a normal unimportant being, i'll just have to get over this and watch what i say in the future... however, my trust in the person(s) have gone to the dumps and shall never be regained. people are just so fake! imposters!

Stopping By After A Month

this past weekend was one out of the ordinary. it was Easter. it was dad's birthday. it was the deadline of my first icsa assignment.

mom and i went for the first night of our church's Easter musical on friday straight after work. although we had to trundle through the puddles in the rain, it well was worth it! i'd forgotten how moved i could get at Easter. honestly, i've been pretty numb for the past few Easters. sometimes when you celebrate something annually, it kind of becomes a routine. i don't know what made this year different... i guess it was God's hand... seeing Jesus on the cross, his lifeless body being lowered with aid of a white cloth... right before the message... something just stirred within... i almost (but didn't) cry (and luckily it was all dark at the time!).


this year we had the donkey again... he (or she... i didn't think of finding out) was a white and brown patchy chap, which i met while walking into the ground floor seating. i'm not too sure he was a donkey, mule or poney... but he was one really well-behaved equin - not shocked by the loud music and singing (and with his large large velvety ears!). the props were simple this year, mostly aided by the screen backdrop - which i think is a really good idea. i discovered a couple of other surprising things (which are not worth mentioning here...).

i wished we could have gone for all three days, but we only went for the friday and sunday presentations. i'd invited a couple of friends and my colleagues... but i don't think any of them went :(

dad's birthday was a little of a let down - someone promised to join us for dinner and didn't turn up or even call (until we had finished dinner). we had dinner at dome...

my icsa assignment has been giving me sleepless nights for the past 2 weeks or so. i took my first ever leave 2 fridays ago, just to get some serious work done. that weekend turned out to be a marathon no sleep and straight to jamiroquai concert stint. after that, i could actually see the pimples bursting out in full force! and a certain visitor did not come on the stipulated date - she came a week late! my assignment on strategic and operations management was challenging as i was totally clueless (and not much enlightened now either) on what to write and how to write (jargons).

it was a case study of reebok and i had to analyse and suggest a strategy for them. i finally finished my draft on monday and had to make my maiden drive to brickfields to hand it in. that was a scary drive and we kind of lost our way back to pj. it was surprising that the lecturer marked my draft in a day and the next day i had to collect it from the college. i finally completed my assignment on saturday night and dropped it in college on sunday - putting an end to the constant worrying! finally it is over!

Out with the non-existant regime, In with the soapless cleansers!

since i started working, my facial skin has suddenly started acting like i was still a hormonally-imbalanced teenager - breaking out in pimples which could be considered bordering on acne. why? i'm not too sure myself (gosh, i have a feeling i've blogged about this before). however i've narrowed it down to a couple of possible causes:

1. job stress (highly unlikely though)
2. stress from driving (more believable)
3. l'oreal moisturiser i'd just started using around the same time (possible)

i've stopped using the moisturiser ever since and mum says that my face is getting better (although i don't really see it). what made me think that the moisturiser was the culprit was the fact that everytime i put it on, i sneezed non-stop and also occasionally it felt tingly. i didn't realise that i could be allergic to the product...

then i felt that the time has come to stop resisting the need for a proper face care regime. all this while i have only cleansed my face whenever it got too oily or when i've had a significant exposure to polluted air. everyday i'd wash my face with water only. that's why more often than not i'd have a patch of dry skin in one place or another on my face.

so, i decided to follow BY and try out avene. the set of toner, moisturiser and spot corrector cost me almost rm200 (after 10% discount) but the promoter gave me some soapless cleanser and scrub samples... i've been deligently performing my skin care regime for the past 2 weeks. so far, i haven't really noticed much difference... i think my skin is slightly smoother in places and definitely properly hydrated - no more dry skin peeling. my pimples are still there - when one subsides, another pops out! i hope my face will eventually clear up and save me money from having to visit a dermatologist!