Monday, April 27, 2009

Walking Biochemical Havoc

Something is happening to me... and I don't really know what it is (yes, this is no new development - I've always been clueless about myself!). Changes have been taking place, faster than my brain can register.

I think I've mentioned this before - the two 'very stressful' periods in my life resulted in bouts of eczema. I believe those trying times were a result of constant worrying and really late nights, which affectively screwed up my biochemical cycles. With a confusion of hormones, enzymes, neurotransmitters and other biomolecules, my receptors and glands were probably stimulated at the wrong time and for the wrong reasons, resulting in weird allergies popping up, disruption of my monthly cycle and very worrying defecation patterns.

A couple of weeks back, I encountered another one of these 'stressful periods'. The cause? My ICSA Strategic Operations and Management assignment deadline looming up. On the weekend that my draft was due, I'd taken leave from work on Friday and had continuously worked on my laptop till Sunday. I managed to complete a rough draft (with the main part lacking citations, therefore making my 'strategic solution' weak arguments). Anyway, it was continuous lock-eye with the laptop monitor for more than 48 hours and then straight on to Jamiroquai at the Sepang International Circuit! (crazy adrenaline junkie! me - not Jay Kay hehehe)

Jamiroquai on an impressively simple stage!

Let me just mention abit about the 90-minute concert. It was wonderful! Jay Kay and the band sounded exactly like their recording, which just shows how tight they are... and Kay was dancing like he was in his Virtual Insanity mtv!!! Their music just makes you want to groove to the beat and dance your ass off. I wonder why they're not big in the USA?? They're coming back early next year - I need to start saving! (and also find a bunch of friends, who love the band, to go with). This time around, I had to tag along with LK and his friends/band members. They're really a funny friendly duo - but being the extremely reserved person I am, I'd prefer to have a personal friend along with me (this is totally my problem, not them). However all in all, I really enjoyed my time with them - the music, the singing, the stories - had me laughing a good deal more than appropriate. hehehe

Gosh, I've swerved into a tangent at odds with what I'd set out to blog about (horrendous habit!). So yes, I have come to the conclusion that I am indeed a 'walking biochemical havoc'. My system has been turned upside down by stress and irregular sleeping hours and am now paying dearly for it. I can feel my body recovering gradually but it tend to have relapses, which plunges me into another pit of worries. One example is my lip allergy which was triggered by applying a brand new Avon nude lipstick! I did not realise that the itching was actually an allergic reaction until it was too late. It's been more than a month and I'm still having chapped, peeling lips - which hinders me from enjoying my food! Oh, what torture! I need more prayers...

Another change I've had is developing old acquaintances. For the past month or so, thanks to Facebook and Windows Live, I've suddenly started chatting with a couple of friends which I've never chatted to before. Two of which I'm currently chatting with on a near daily basis - they keep me awake during the after-lunch-sleepy-hours in the office. I find this interesting as some of these friends I've never talked to them 10 words while I was in kindergarten, school or university. This recent socialising pattern goes against the flow of my normal communications with my friends - which have made me realise some things about myself and my life.

My findings: I'm a really boring person. I don't drink, party, do drugs or go on blind dates. Instead, I Fb, get all worked up about assignments and give people advice... I seem to lead a life of an old fart - maybe that is my calling! hahaha... And I can't believe I've actually opened up to this person about my past 'so called crushes' (which incidentally was hers too! hahaha) and my ideals in life. We both lead very different lives and in opposite parts of the globe, but somehow or another, there is this bond which keeps us chatting for hours. In a separate case altogether, I've discovered that I can 'talk crap' continuously - Where'd that come from? Maybe with a little more practice and some mentorship from my fellow crapper friend in crime, I'll be able to graduate into a full-fledged conwoman in no time!

For the former (mentioned in the earlier part of the above paragraph), meeting up in person is out of the question, unless one of us were to fly half a world to the other. It's surprising what transpires. The former asked my whether I was into girls when she heard my story. I was shocked and was like "hell no!". hahaha... While for the latter, meeting up seems to be impossible too - the timing is just never right! And I feel so bad for saying 'no' all the time. Well, que sera sera (I seem to be adopting alot of this lately - signs of old age).

And then there are the few whom I've never talked to and barely can remember them from high school. It's fun to discover what they thought of me when I was schooling! However I still don't feel quite at home talking to them. I feel that I need to check what I type before pressing 'send' - it's just a gut feeling... and also a precaution so as not to give people the wrong impression/signals.

Another thing is... I'm becoming such a girly girl! It's horrifying!!! I'm becoming what I've always thought I wasn't... I can't pinpoint what is effecting these changes but I've become somewhat more emotionally inclined... I used to 'not give a shit' (if you know what I mean), but now I'm over-deliberating stuffs and getting all emotional. For example the wardrobe malfunction cases... I couldn't help but cry in front of my colleague! That was really weird... and not to mention - embarrassing!! I need to snap out of this phase and not turn into an emotional ass (as a certain someone puts it).

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Big Brother is watching you!

I came home fired up to blog about something i feel strongly about, however, getting my laptop updated to windows xp sp3 and installing windows live messenger has taken too long that half of the fire has been extinguished!

sometimes silly little things can create such intense feelings. i discovered two things today which had this impact on me. being a silly naive person, i've always trusted people whom i've known personally. to be honest, i don't know the extent of validity of the two situations, but if it is true then my feelings of being violated is very real indeed.

some people may find it such fun to play pranks on others by recording them secretly or tapping into their private going-ons. however, it is not so amusing when you are the victim. call me petty, but i really despise it when a person infringes on my privacy, taking it lightly as if my rights were insignificant!

well, i guess this happens everyday to everyone (conscious or unconsciously) and as a normal unimportant being, i'll just have to get over this and watch what i say in the future... however, my trust in the person(s) have gone to the dumps and shall never be regained. people are just so fake! imposters!

Monday, April 13, 2009

Stopping By After A Month

this past weekend was one out of the ordinary. it was Easter. it was dad's birthday. it was the deadline of my first icsa assignment.

mom and i went for the first night of our church's Easter musical on friday straight after work. although we had to trundle through the puddles in the rain, it well was worth it! i'd forgotten how moved i could get at Easter. honestly, i've been pretty numb for the past few Easters. sometimes when you celebrate something annually, it kind of becomes a routine. i don't know what made this year different... i guess it was God's hand... seeing Jesus on the cross, his lifeless body being lowered with aid of a white cloth... right before the message... something just stirred within... i almost (but didn't) cry (and luckily it was all dark at the time!).

this year we had the donkey again... he (or she... i didn't think of finding out) was a white and brown patchy chap, which i met while walking into the ground floor seating. i'm not too sure he was a donkey, mule or poney... but he was one really well-behaved equin - not shocked by the loud music and singing (and with his large large velvety ears!). the props were simple this year, mostly aided by the screen backdrop - which i think is a really good idea. i discovered a couple of other surprising things (which are not worth mentioning here...).

i wished we could have gone for all three days, but we only went for the friday and sunday presentations. i'd invited a couple of friends and my colleagues... but i don't think any of them went :(

dad's birthday was a little of a let down - someone promised to join us for dinner and didn't turn up or even call (until we had finished dinner). we had dinner at dome...

my icsa assignment has been giving me sleepless nights for the past 2 weeks or so. i took my first ever leave 2 fridays ago, just to get some serious work done. that weekend turned out to be a marathon no sleep and straight to jamiroquai concert stint. after that, i could actually see the pimples bursting out in full force! and a certain visitor did not come on the stipulated date - she came a week late! my assignment on strategic and operations management was challenging as i was totally clueless (and not much enlightened now either) on what to write and how to write (jargons).

it was a case study of reebok and i had to analyse and suggest a strategy for them. i finally finished my draft on monday and had to make my maiden drive to brickfields to hand it in. that was a scary drive and we kind of lost our way back to pj. it was surprising that the lecturer marked my draft in a day and the next day i had to collect it from the college. i finally completed my assignment on saturday night and dropped it in college on sunday - putting an end to the constant worrying! finally it is over!