Sunday, July 22, 2012

Emotional Trauma

A friend once told me that people change once we resign. I didn't think it would be true, but I was wrong.

The past week has been emotionally taxing. Every day bore a new "sakit hati" or "menyampah" situation (I really cannot find an English word that truly expresses the feelings I've been having). My emotions have been swinging from happiness (or perhaps self-illusion of happiness) to disappointment within minutes. I think if I were to draw a graph tabulating my emotions, it would be a sinusoidal curve.

Causes of this emotional fluctuation:
  1. Being ignored / treated like an outcast by team members
  2. Obviously being talked / discussed about (sudden closing of door and uncharacteristic hush conversations within)
  3. Accidental discovery of close colleagues (friend-like closeness) gossiping about us
  4. Uncalled-for snide remarks / personal attacks by manager (whom I do not report to)
  5. Being bossed around via email by manager (whom I do not report to) just because my senior manager was on leave
  6. [Assumption] Spreading of inaccurate information about me by manager (whom I do not report to)
  7. Discovery of the news that our mass resignation has reached CEO's level of concern
  8. Discovery that someone has been telling where each one of us are going
  9. Discovery that no secret is safe with colleagues (all levels)
  10. Witnessing how wide the grapevine is in our organisation. Even a VP whom I rarely talk to asked me out of the blue when my last day was
On the brighter side, I am happy because:
  1. All this unhappiness / disappointments make it easier for me to detach from this organisation
  2. I can't wait to turn a new leaf and start the new chapter in my life
  3. Discovery that some colleagues are indeed true friends worth keeping
  4. Pointed out to manager (whom I do not report to) that I had already done my job first thing in the morning, together with B&W testimony from my internal stakeholder, in my reply email to her bossiness attempt. And I Cc-ed my senior manager! :D
  5. Corrected the manager (whom I do not report to), with confirmation from a colleague, that her assumption of my qualifications was grossly misrepresented by her - in terms of my achievement and the timeline I took to obtain my GradICSA. If I was really so unqualified, I don't think my SVP would have hired me in the first place, let alone to land another job in a much bigger organisation? *don't "thought", think!*
  6. Since the news is already out, it's easier for me to answer other division colleagues' enquiries. So nice of them to invite me out for a last meal together, although I have only been in the organisation for 1 year 4 months
  7. I have a good valid reason for leaving that people can't find fault with me (although I do have other peripheral reasons)
  8. Discovery that I can be diplomatic - smile in the face of trouble
So, that's it. One week of drama over. Another three more to go.

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