Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Just one of those days (running out of gas)

I'd be lying if I said I didn't know why I am feeling like this. But I'd also be the last person to publicly acknowledge the reasons I feel this way. Yes, self denial but bottom line is that I know myself well enough not to have any character quirks surprising me out of the blue.
An idle mind is the devil's workshop. Indeed this is true. Lack of work preoccupying my mind has turned my thoughts back to dwelling on all these uncertainties. The ironic thing is there's this other side that constantly reminds me to see things at a different angle and be thankful of the blessings I have in my hands. But sometimes the negativity just takes over.

Although I'm surrounded by people at work, I feel lonely. I know friendships need to be cultivated over time but having the "benefits" given me doesn't really help matters. Nevertheless, I am thankful for the opportunity and hope I'll be able to live up to the expectations. I can't help but wonder what people think of me, with the strange arrangements and all.

I can't help but feel like a "space-filler", in this situation and the other too. Two things I need to rid my system off - having expectations and making assumptions. The lesser the two the stronger I will be and falling (if it happens) will not be so painful. There is no perfection in this world, maybe I should just go with the flow and see where it takes me - happiness or ...

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