Sunday, June 21, 2015

The deed is done

After the decision was made, it was time for action to be taken. I always believe that talk is cheap, but action speaks volumes. I had been complaining to every one that would listen, for the past year (yes, it is June again!) and hadn't done anything much but reject other opportunities. Even if this would turn out to be the wrong choice, I think I owe it to myself to do something about my problem (ooh, the bad P-word!).

Again, this was an emotionally hard decision and action to undertake. The deed itself was really fast, just under 5 minutes but I think everyone had expected it. A series of brainwashing sessions followed and many tears shed but I stuck to my decision. I really don't believe things would change even if I decided to turn back.

I know I should always give people a second chance, but to counter offer and give another set of promises when I have decided to move on is just too little too late. The red flags had all been there for many moons and nobody wanted to acknowledge the problem my team had until my white flag was raised? I cannot go on surviving on the kind help of others. Yes, team work and all... but at the end of the day, how can I justify my performance in my appraisal? Being expected to fulfill the high level work as well as the clerical work is just too much. I am only one person with 24 hours in a day. It is easy to tell me that I shouldn't be doing this and that work, but tell me who will do it if I don't do it? The work, however lowly it is, still has to get done.

I feel very sorry for abandoning the boat, especially for my superior who has been more of a friend, though we've known each other for less than a year. But being accused of not doing enough when I've been putting in very very long hours every day for the past year is just my limit. And honestly I don't see any career prospect in my department. I could be stuck 10 years there and not even a grade promotion. It has happened to some and I don't want that to happen to me too.

But after all is said and done, I still think that it is a good company to be part of and my problem is probably just confined to my department. I need to be in a place where I can understand the leadership and why things are run the way it is, and not just "because I say so" or "because we've been doing this for 20 years, so just continue to do it this way". Perhaps my expectation of a leader is high, but I believe that we need to personally respect our leader in order for us to work for him/her.

Well, the deed is done and now my aim is to gradually detach myself (mentally and physically) from my comfort zone while I serve my due. On to a new chapter and I am actually quite excited about it (when people are not trying to spew negativity about it).

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