Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Hopeless to Hope

Monday had been a difficult day emotionally. Not because of any arguments or massive scolding or dreaded confrontation. Nothing really unpleasant happened. But it was just one of those days where even the weather gets on your nerves. And well, having someone condescending did not help either.

The realisation of the flaws in my environment seemed to be haunting and screaming at me every other second throughout the morning. At midday, my motivation was at its lowest and I couldn't really pinpoint why. Perhaps the hassle of traveling so far on a daily basis and the high cost incurred in the process, as well as the fear of the unknown future was getting to me - all at the same time. I was literally laughing with gladness when He had sent me a "time-out" to the storm that was brewing up in my head (and this, in a "jamban"! LOL). Praise God I was able to get through the rest of the day without snapping at someone.

This morning I said a short prayer while driving, and I really meant it. I prayed for hope and change in my life and in Malaysia. I was determined to start the day on the right foot (vowing to stay away from the condescending being and turning a deaf ear to the sickening flirtation going on in clearly audible volume).

To my surprise, three unexpected incidents occurred within the day. Incident #1 was well overdue that I had expected to not get any reply to my enquiry at all. Although I received the answer I was looking for, I don't think I would be taking a step forward if I tried for it. But it was a pleasant chat anyways.

Incident #2 was one that I was expecting to occur the earliest by next week or perhaps even after a months' time (if ever I passed the initial paper screening). I was honest with my answers and it was another pleasant chat with a stranger. The call did not carry a promise but it did bring hope. If it is meant to be, perhaps I will have a chance to be all nervous and anxious and make a fool of myself again in the coming weeks!

Incident #3 was a surprise SMS from a friend I briefly knew in BAC. Thank God I still roughly remember who was who and what not. She shared with me about an opportunity. I hadn't the time to reply her properly as I was leading my blindfolded colleague to her "not such a surprise anymore" belated birthday dinner. Nevertheless, I found it quite strange that I should have three independent instances which prompts me to make a change, and all within the same day. For some, this would be considered as coincidence but for me, I will take it as a sign.

And thus ends my journal of gratitude for today.

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