Sunday, September 28, 2008

Exasperated in trust

i'm finding it very hard to trust people lately. it seems like everytime i put my trust in someone, that person will bail out on me (in chinese, the term is "ffk" which stands for "fong fei kei" or literally translated as "board aeroplane"... don't ask me how the term originated!?!). these past few weeks i've made a couple of plans with different friends to meet up and i can say that 70% of them didn't materialise! and it's always last minute cancellations! it's like you're looking forward to eating this food and it gets snatched away as you're just about to grasp it!

i've found, with this one particular friend, that i can never arrange a successful meetup... she's really a nice person, but even if we scheduled a meeting two weeks ahead, she'd always end up having some trip or another gathering - affectively cancelling our outing. i don't know, perhaps she prioritizes another (unsaid) group of friends. after all, she is closer to them... but i hope it's not because she doesn't want to meet up with us.

i have another friend, a coursemate, whom i think doesn't want to mix with us (four of us used to lunch together and sit together in classes) anymore as she always declines invitations for meetups. i think the cause of this alienation was due to some subtle fallouts all of us had with each other as a result of too much close contact with each other. however, the rest of us did not think too much of these fallouts and just forgave and forget those akward moments. i guess it is different for different people. but it's such a pity that 2 years of friendship would go to the dogs just because of some untactful words and deeds said and done...

another incident of trust... i shall need to be vague here. my trust in people have gotten me into "hot soup" a couple of times. by "hot soup" i don't mean it as a vey serious problem, but it has resulted in my reputation being slightly marred. being blamed for something you didn't do isn't something that i desire. and i feel that it isn't quite a smart move to rat on people... it's something like biting the hand that feeds you. thankfully evidences are aplenty and if one were to look properly, it would point to the truth. that's why sometimes i prefer to do everything myself! which is obviously not a "work smart" tactic!

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