Cyclical

It's pretty depressing when you realise the same shit is happening again. As much as I'd like to break the cycle, it always rounds back to the same (or similar) outcome. And then I know it's time to press the refresh button and purge the past. The cycles seem to get shorter as I mature. Maybe I get better at identifying the early signals and thus I start the purging process earlier than waiting until shit hits the fan.

In between

Many times I seem to be an outlier, not by choice but by circumstances. Slightly off centre, never entirely with the flow of the majority. But not too far off to be considered eccentric.

The year that was - 2018

I'm not a goal setting kind of person and I did not set any for last year. But in the course of events that unfolded, 2018 has been a challenging year (in a good way mostly).

Opportunity and Self Doubt

This week presented two very different situations of potential opportunities. For the first case, my gut feel tells me to beware and thread carefully. While the other case, my gut has a good feel on it but my head says the timing isn't right.

New Year Shake Up

Just when I thought I had reached my comfort cloud, a crack of thunder occurs. Promising a bumpy ride for 2018.

The Logic of being Logical

I recently read this in one of the recommended reading materials for my course:

“The real trouble with this world of ours is not that it is an unreasonable world, nor that it is a reasonable one. The commonest kind of trouble is that it is nearly reasonable, but not quite. Life is not an illogicality; yet it is a trap for logicians. It looks just a little more mathematical and regular than it is; its exactitude is obvious, but its inexactitude is hidden; its wildness lies in wait.” (G.K. Chesterton)

The Sting

Today I had a lesson on numbers and it still stings. It's been more than a year and many have said I look happier now than back then. The experience has been mostly good thus far, a very different culture change.

One from the sick

Posting from my sick bed. It's time to reflect.

On the last working day of 2016, my Healthcare colleagues were pushing (ok, more appropriate verb - "encouraging") us to take up the influenza vaccination jab as it was part of our staff benefit and also, they wanted to finish their stock by year end before the accounts were closed. I was told, "I'll book one for you, you come after lunch ok?" With my fear of needles (trypanophobia), obviously I didn't go to our clinic after lunch!

Reads: Salmon Fishing in the Yemen

I have just finished this book and well, the ending is sad (sorry, spoiler ahead). Perhaps I was hoping for a happy ending, since I was reading it at the end of 2016.

I found my 30th firsts for 2016

Picking up from my previous post, I found my 30th firsts experience for this year - being called into impromptu discussions with the President and ED and for the past few days having to join/present at meetings of HODs and senior management. This is what happens when your boss goes on long leave and somehow suddenly so many issues come up on top of all the service agreements due for renewal by year end. A classic case of Murphy's Law.

Of Doppelgangers and Dejavus

Have you ever met someone new and felt that the person was so familiar? Familiar in the sense of looks, character and circumstances. Recently I have met one such person and upon getting to know her, it is uncanny.

Disruption to the Ordinary

Perhaps it's the routine nature of my job but whenever I need to attend an external training, funny things just tend to happen. Yesterday wasn't a fruitful day in terms of knowledge acquisition, but it WAS an interesting day.

Reading and Reflecting

Recently I've somewhat got back into reading - perhaps with the realisation that pretty soon I may not have the luxury of reading for pleasure anymore. Although what I read are from the fiction genre, with every book there is a certain realness when I'm immersed in it and it is inevitable that the mind starts drawing parallels with real life.

Don't understand the words

Today seemed to have passed by so quickly. I'd slept at 3am reviewing the Limits of Authority, which was supposedly due last Friday. I kept thinking why does the LOA come under us when we aren't the operations or finance team. So my comments were purely based on my logic and what I imagine of the possible operational scenario. Having to think it from the standpoint of a separate entity from the group made everything complicated. Couldn't help being legalistic, what with borrowing manpower from the group and shouldn't there be a management agreement for provision of the shared services functions? What about professional indemnity for the decisions we make as employees from a separate entity? Seems like I'm thinking of more ways to spend money than saving resources. Anyway I quit the ouroboros before it was branded in my brain and I'm just glad I submitted it by 10am.

Also quite happy that my appraisal is done and my feedback on my team member is completed. In fact I managed to close quite a few tasks today as opposed to last week's scramble to clear backlog. Got some pats on the back too.

I may have been a bit light headed from lack of sleep but when I was driving back, I had to switch radio channels because BFM had a football commentary programme, and I ended up with one of the popular stations. For some reason I just couldn't catch what the lyrics were for three consecutive pop songs. The tunes were alright but the words were some lagg-ey gibberish. I don't know if it's a new trend of singing style or I'm just too used to the classic stuffs.

Pretty worrying I'd say, soon I won't be able to understand the youngsters' talk. Somewhat like Newspeak in Nineteen Eighty-Four. 😂

Stocktake of 2016

It's October - past the mid-year review of my goals for this year. Initially I was thinking that I had not achieved much so far. But when I look back at the experiences I've had this year, I think I am on track! This year's resolution was to have as many firsts and yes, I have been having many firsts! Some of my 'mini achievements of firsts' thus far, in no particular order:-

Feel Good

I was driving home from a rather impromptu dinner with some friends when I realised that we can feel absolutely great even without spending a dime. It was just that moment on a light drizzly night, not too late and not too early, with a three-piece jazz band sounding through my 9-year-old stock car radio. No intimidating driving from the other cars around me and the realisation of a simple lighthearted fellowship session with peers.

And you start to wonder, where did all the negativity and insecurity come from? There is much to rejoice for in our lives. The sky and all its hues. The trees and their swaying shadows. The pixelated beauty of insects. The amazing feeling and coordination in taking a deep breath.

Gender Conditioning and Bosses

A couple of days back, there was a discussion on the radio about female bosses vs male bosses. The discussion was initiated by one of the local news about a politician who made a statement that he decided to contest in an election because the other candidates were women and he didn't trust women leaders. Such statements are just so wrong on so many levels and yet they still occur in Malaysia. Perhaps it's an underhanded publicity stunt to get 5 seconds of fame.

Reflecting

Wow! It's been over two months of silence here. I've always thought of posting something but the time and mood just never was right. To say that I was busy all this while, would not be too accurate. There has been some super peak times but there has also been lull periods in between.

Every day things happen, big or small. But recently circumstances have nudged me to think about life and death.

Happy New Year 2016!

Stock taking and resolution making. 2015 came and went so fast with many stumbles and letting go and moving forward. The past two years have breezed by without me really feeling it.

Happy New Year 2016 from Kuala Lumpur!

The Apple Parable

I have an apple. I know it's going soft and bad. Although in form, it's still recognisable as an apple, but I know it is filled with maggots just shy of bursting through the apple's skin. The stench is nauseating and it is attracting bluebottle flies.

So the question comes up on what should I do. Do I:

1. Tell myself that I should be thankful for having the apple, take a deep breath and bite into the apple?
2. Shout out loud to my neighbours that there is nothing wrong with the apple and gulp it down fast although it tastes putrid?
3. Take the 50 sen a 'so called friend' has offered me for eating the decaying apple because money is all I can think of at the moment?
4. Trust in the apple blindly because at one time in the past it was a fresh apple (or appeared to be so) and things can't change that much, right?
5. Listen to my 'so called friends' and partake in the apple because they are also doing the same?
6. Blame the stench on every other thing under the sun besides the apple and continue to worship the apple?
7. Stir up a fuss that the pears were to be blamed for the apple going bad?
8. Throw the apple away and go to the supermarket to shop for a new fruit or fruits, if I'm feeling hopeful?

The point is, at the end of the day who is going to face the consequences of holding on to a rotten apple? And upon eating the rotten apple, who is going to get a diarrhea attack? The apple? Nope. It's me! Isn't the option that has to be chosen obvious?

God has given each one of us brains enough to discern what is good for our bodies. And if we keep choosing poison over nutrition, when shit hits the fan the blame lies with ourselves.

Happy birthday, Malaysia!