Reflecting

Wow! It's been over two months of silence here. I've always thought of posting something but the time and mood just never was right. To say that I was busy all this while, would not be too accurate. There has been some super peak times but there has also been lull periods in between.

Every day things happen, big or small. But recently circumstances have nudged me to think about life and death.

A few weeks back, a friend lost her husband suddenly and I really regretted not keeping to my word of visiting her earlier. Now I am just clueless of how to be a source of comfort to my friend. I am never good at such things of the heart.

Memories, how they live in our minds. I can still remember our trip to Singapore when they were still dating and their engagement and wedding. And then that time when I bumped into my friend's husband in VI, while rushing for another friend's pre-wedding photoshoot in the school grounds. Life is unpredictable. No one in their sane mind ever plans to leave early but it is up to our Maker to call us home.

Coincidentally, I had started reading Cheating Death by CNN medical correspondent Dr Sanjay Gupta in February and it had been my bedtime story whenever I had some spare time. I finally finished reading the book last weekend. The book explored unconventional methods of buying time by delaying cell death, near death experiences and miracles of healing amongst other topics. It was eye-opening. And it got me thinking, no one will ever know the mysteries of death until we go through it. But by that time, it would be too late to turn back and tell the living all about it. And in line with my recent bible study, only God holds the key to these mysteries of life.

About a month back, I was getting ready for work when my mum, who always leaves for work earlier than me, came upstairs and told me that someone had hung himself at the playground next to our house. The neighbours were abuzz outside. I couldn't really see him from afar when I was leaving for work. He had hung himself on a tree in the middle of the playground but his toes were almost touching the grass. A friend had sent me the news link later in the day and it turns out he was a local Indian guy in his 40s. It makes me wonder, what makes someone cross that edge and jump into the decision of committing suicide? Unlike many things in life where we can have a second chance and U-turn back, choosing death is a point of no return.

Being reminded that each of us has just so many days that the Creator has determined humbles me and to be honest, scares me a lot. And it's amazing how much courage and determination some of us have in fighting for life. Somewhere in Cheating Death, he mentions that survival rate of the terminally ill increases when one is stubborn and determined to find all ways to continue living.

But then again, every day thousands die. So what makes us as an individual so special? For many, we will only continue to live on in the hearts and memories of those living close to us.