Exasperated in trust

i'm finding it very hard to trust people lately. it seems like everytime i put my trust in someone, that person will bail out on me (in chinese, the term is "ffk" which stands for "fong fei kei" or literally translated as "board aeroplane"... don't ask me how the term originated!?!). these past few weeks i've made a couple of plans with different friends to meet up and i can say that 70% of them didn't materialise! and it's always last minute cancellations! it's like you're looking forward to eating this food and it gets snatched away as you're just about to grasp it!

i've found, with this one particular friend, that i can never arrange a successful meetup... she's really a nice person, but even if we scheduled a meeting two weeks ahead, she'd always end up having some trip or another gathering - affectively cancelling our outing. i don't know, perhaps she prioritizes another (unsaid) group of friends. after all, she is closer to them... but i hope it's not because she doesn't want to meet up with us.

i have another friend, a coursemate, whom i think doesn't want to mix with us (four of us used to lunch together and sit together in classes) anymore as she always declines invitations for meetups. i think the cause of this alienation was due to some subtle fallouts all of us had with each other as a result of too much close contact with each other. however, the rest of us did not think too much of these fallouts and just forgave and forget those akward moments. i guess it is different for different people. but it's such a pity that 2 years of friendship would go to the dogs just because of some untactful words and deeds said and done...

another incident of trust... i shall need to be vague here. my trust in people have gotten me into "hot soup" a couple of times. by "hot soup" i don't mean it as a vey serious problem, but it has resulted in my reputation being slightly marred. being blamed for something you didn't do isn't something that i desire. and i feel that it isn't quite a smart move to rat on people... it's something like biting the hand that feeds you. thankfully evidences are aplenty and if one were to look properly, it would point to the truth. that's why sometimes i prefer to do everything myself! which is obviously not a "work smart" tactic!

My first accident

this is embarrassing to say, but i met with a traffic accident on my second day of driving solo. i was coming back from work and it was just after the junction in sunway where the petting zoo used to be (i think it's now lake quay), when it happened. i was on the left slow lane when suddenly there was this black proton wira cutting in front of me (or overtaking... ) from the right. i did not see her till it happened. in fact i had slowed down upon seeing this black mass at the corner of my eyes and when she cut in front of me, i honked. but it was too late, a collision occurred.

i had slowed down while she was speeding up, so naturally her car got the worse of the damages. my car had scratches on the frontal right side of my bumper... a little dislodged but nothing out of shape or cracked. anyway that bumper had been re-sprayed before when mum rammed it into the concrete block at the science fac foyer. whereas the lady's car had a long dent on her left back door. she kept insisting i was in the wrong... and at one point i really thought i was in the wrong... but after pondering upon it for a week and revisiting the place of the incident everyday (can't be helped, since i use that road to go home everyday), i'm convinced that i was on my lane... therefore i should have the right of way!

anyway, we started out arguing with raised voice... but not abusive words or physical battle la... but in the end we parted on a friendly note, exchanging contact numbers and apologising for shouting earlier... it was really weird... but i'm glad that it wasn't such a traumatising incident... perhaps it didn't turn all sour because she was also a christian? i saw her take out a bible to prop her piece of paper for taking down my details... and i asked her if she was a christian... then we started talking about church... so weird!!! in the middle of an accident and cars buzzing by... and we're talking about church! anyway, praise God! she wasn't hostile to me when she called me up to ask about what arrangements we should have. i told her i hadn't had time to get a mechanic's quotation and she was the same too. then she said we'll keep in contact... and until now she hasn't called me (it's been 1 month now)

i really do hope that she realises i was not to blame... people make mistakes. be thankful it was just a minor accident and no bodily harm occured. i hope she doesn't call me up asking for payment... (fingers crossed)

Changes

change is good. it forces you out of your comfort zone, thus pushing you to grow.

so much change have been happening in my life. i've finally started driving, having only 3 days of practice with mum before venturing out alone. i've started working as a copywriter in an environment where i'm the only female in the company (something that i am really not used to). and before that, i was going for interviews in kl, pj, shah alam and even in singapore.

let me begin my narrative in a chronological order. the first interview i went for was for the company i'm currently attached to. it was more of a writing test than an interview and there wasn't a ready vacancy for me, so the ceo said i had to wait till their funds permitted the hiring of another staff. with that hopeless situation practically a dead end, i went for my second interview. it was the 1st phase recruitment for the standard chartered banking apprentice programme. at the end of my interview, the interviewer said she would definitely recommend me for the 2nd interview. a friend of mine also went for the same inerview, and she had seen my name in the shortlisted list. however the call never came, so i guess that too is a lost cause. thinking back, i wonder whether the reason why i wasn't called back was because i have a standard chartered bank account (conflict of interest?).

the next interview was at an insurance company in kota kemuning. they had found my resume from JobsDB and called me to schedule an interview. they offered me the job (some assistant marketing exec) for the salary i requested, provided i proved myself within the probation period. i turned down that job as they needed an answer immediately and i had already scheduled another interview in singapore.

i went for the phase 1 mgtp assessment session for maxis. it was really different from the other interviews i'd went for, as the assessment was split into 2 sections, written tests and group dynamics. i think i screwed up the written test, especially the comprehension and essay parts. for the group dynamics, our team of 4 did not quite gel, so we could not complete the task given to us. however, i managed to make a friend from the session... i thought she had the most potential among the 4 of us (in getting through to the 2nd phase), but she didn't get it. needless to say, i didn't get through either.

the singapore interview was pretty disappointing as i had had a wrong impression of the job i applied for. it was advertised on Jobstreet with a legal recruitment firm for company profile but they were looking for a graduate trainee in the biotechnology field. i thought it was a HR company recruiting for another biotech company (like some other ads on these job websites). however, it turned out to be an internal recruitment, meaning they were looking for headhunters. the interviewer was patronising, immediately telling me i've got the wrong impression of the job i was being interviewed for (before i even said a word... maybe she could have told me that before i spent hundreds of ringgit to get to singapore!) but i must give her credit for answering my many questions although it was clearly a goner case.

so after some more meetings with my first 'interviewer', i accepted the job and am currently working as a 'creative copywriter' (as the very detailed job contract states, although i don't really see why the word "creative" should be in the job title since i'm not really doing those advert copywriting...). i had to reject 2 interviews - the first was for the post of medical writer in an international medical media company and the second was from Kraft (and this i had to reject because my boss was sitting right next to me when i recieved the call! what luck!?!)

Beheaded Ant

My left big toe is itchy and mildly inflame. i was wondering why it was so since yesterday. while helping with dinner preparations, i finally figured out the answer... suddenly i remembered being bitten by a red ant on saturday while washing a car rubber mat in my garden! it's funny how things like that can totally slip my mind. in terms of the emotion i feel when facing one of these memory lapses it is like being able to see a beautiful castle in the distance but the way to it is somehow magically photoshop-ed away so that the castle appears to be suspended in the air. but you know that that doesn't make sense logically and then there is this unfathomable yearning to find the missing pieces.

anyway, back to the ant story... the strangest thing (ok that's abit far fetched... maybe it's better to go with 'strange' alone without the -est) happened today, i found an ant's head in the ear piece of my handphone. at first i thought it was one of those tiny beetles which like to eat woolen clothes and roll into a tight ball when disturbed... but when i dug it out with a safety pin and upon closer inspection, i found that it had 2 small eyes, pincers and no legs... it was a beheaded ant! how it got there, i have no idea but i can't help thinking this is a payback (to the ant) for biting my toe the other day...

My blog is susceptible to spammers? WOW

i was randomly reading back my old posts, when i noticed that some of them had comments. honestly this is the first time i've noticed that my blog had any comments!!! all this while i've assumed that the only reader to this blog is... ME... hahaha... since i did put it in 'private' mode for some time, especially during the times when i was working on projects... hence alot of ranting and i deemed it unsafe for some of my rather descriptive complaints to be available publicly...

i guess this calls for 34 comments... delete! delete! delete!

anyway, back to the 'comments' issue, i was surprised that most of it were spam!!! hahahaha (so yeah, maybe my readership actually numbers to ONE!!!) well most of the comments were composed using this cookie cutter template of first complementing my blog (which i doubt they even read a word past the title) and then proceed to advertise their own blog... especially this fellow with some carpet cleaning website! but there were a couple of comments which were clearly related to my post... so i guess those where genuine readers? (thanks for reading my blog! although i think most strangers would find it difficult to keep tract of what i'm trying to document... hehe) through one of the comments, i discovered a park ranger's blog and read a few posts... amusing anecdotes, just like what we see on tv about park rangers! hehehe

one particular comment was pretty surprising though... the one about my seatru experience in 2005! the volunteers after my slot read my post! and they discovered it from one of the research assistant's blog!! double shocking-ness... i thought my identity was illusive (i guess not! hahaha... so much so for my fancy ideas about myself!)... but yeah, seatru was really a great experience. i like these kinds of stuff where there is no fuss to deal with and you genuinely have to plunge yourself into the experience! testing strengths that you never knew you were capable of (like living for a week without electricity!). i hope one day i can go back to chagar hutang to see the hatchlings which i missed in 2005... (here i go rambling again)

Brown rice

Things i've discovered about this food:

1. it has less weevils
2. it requires less washing
3. it needs to be soaked for at least 20 minutes prior to cooking
4. there's this "pop pop" crackle sound while it is soaking in water
5. it smells like cereal when cooked
6. it takes a longer time to cook (as opposed to white rice)
7. if cooked with inadequate water, it can be a chore to to eat it
8. when soaked in soup/gravy, the grains become puffy
9. when spoiled/fermented, the aroma is sweeter than white rice (subjected to the same processes)
10. eating in long term causes alteration in shitting habits/patterns
11. we need to cook 2 and 1/2 cups to feed the whole family (compared to the usual 2 cups of white rice)
12. my dog seem to finish all his rice more often (but then it could also be due to the meat dishes served lately)

The one about the problem with Friendster

lately (a couple of weeks back till now), i've been experiencing problems logging into friendster. i'm not sure whether its just the computers in my house or other people have also been having this same problem too... funny thing is that sometimes i'm able to login but the next time its back to the same problem... which is, when you click on login (after entering username and password) the home page loads back like no info was entered... i've e-mailed a complain where they gave a speedy response (within 24 hrs) with some pointers from their faq section and other troubleshooting options. unfortunately, their recommendations did not work and i'm just too lazy to complain again. so i'll just have to live without friendster i guess (which i've already been doing for quite a while since facebook emerged).

one puzzling thing is that this login issue seem to only occur in my house... on both my laptop n imac... haven't tried it on my bro's computers yet though. i wonder whether it could have been caused by streamyx or firefox... well, que sera sera... whatever will be will be...

My dog is an archaeologist

ah mutt zackaria indeed is a talented archaeologist. everyday he will take his chicken drumstick or thigh apart and spread the bones all over the door mat or on whatever surfaces he can secure. he evenly spaces out the pieces of fractured bones and meat, taking care that none are piled on top of each other. he then guards his works with a vengeance, growling ferociously (as much as possible, since he really is a very small dog) and snaps madly at anyone who dares to disturb his masterpiece! many have tried to tame the vicious animal instincts in him (and also to clean up the mess he's created) but have came back with a bitten hand or finger. the only way to evade his wrathful bites is by way of trickery, using baits such as other foods or letting him roam the garden outside.

the only consolation to this matter is that after he bites you, he immediately feels apologetic for his rash actions and starts offering an olive branch by snuggling up to you. so it is evident that the dog does have some degree of conscience. unfortunately i have not been able to graphically document his best works but below is one of his poorer jobs.

My trip to Sarawak

i'm surprised my laptop still works fine! a couple of days before leaving for sarawak, mum spilled half a cup of ice-cold water on my laptop while i was starting it up (strangely, at that time i was experiencing trouble starting it and had to use force shutdown 3 times)... some water entered the keyboard area, ventilation slits and projector port. i immediately shut off the computer, wiped off as much water as i could and used a hair dryer to dry the keyboard. i remembered reading somewhere that you should not use a computer for a few days to let it completely dry off if a spillage occurred. so this is the first time i'm trying out my laptop after the water incident (approximately 5 days ago) and so far, so good (i've been using it for already more than 5 hours straight). thank God!!!

so, now on to my commentaries of my trip to Kuching, Sarawak. nisha and i booked an early flight to kuching on friday morning... our first time stepping on the soil of Borneo island. we took a taxi (our taxi driver spoke english, so different from KL, but drove a little too reckless for my comfort) to our lodging, Singgahsana Lodge in kuching city. i was looking out for signs that we had entered the city when i realized that we were already in the city! our lodgings were nice, homey and most importantly, clean! since we arrived way earlier than the check-in time, we decided to take a walk around. we discovered a nearby parkson having the grand sale on and since our tummies were starting to rumble, we ate at sugar bun (i read somewhere that it was quite big in east malaysia, or at least in sarawak). unfortunately for us the food wasn't that great. we then bought ourselves our drinking water rations from giant.

the purpose of our trip to kuching was to catch the 11th rainforest world music festival (RWMF) in the sarawak cultural village. i must say that the whole event appeared to be very much commercialized... but i guess in order to host such a big event, you need to sell out abit... and also thanks to the massive cut in budget by the government! initially (i didn't know about the budget issue then), i was thinking "why on earth are there HSBC buntings in the middle of the jungle? (our bus ride passed through secluded jungle-like areas on the way to the sarawak cultural village) then when we arrived, i found out why... because they were one of the major sponsors! together with heineken, mas, shell, some drinking water company and i can't recall the rest.

overall, between the three nights the performances were good (but not very 'world music'-ish to me). the up tempo of the modern rock bands rendered the more traditional performances paler in comparison. i liked the performances of new rope string band (uk), akasha (malaysia), kasai masai (congo/uk), oikyataan (india), fadomorse (portugal) and sheldon blackman & the love circle (trinidad & tobago). the others were also good but perhaps not my cup of tea. the ross daly quartet (greece) and adel salameh (palestine) performances were unique and rich in culture. ooh, i really enjoyed the new rope string band... they were so cute and funny with their vocal harmony and violin+accordion act! fadomorse had a dynamic front man, great stage presence!

unfortunately, 2 out of the 3 nights rained... the first and last nights... so the mosh pit became some mud box where hundreds of people were having mud fights! of course nisha and i didn't venture into that region... we value our shoes more than having a stranger rub mud on our faces.

we bumped into a couple of people we knew and also spotted some local and regional "celebrities" around the cultural village... i kept bumping into a certain aiesecer who was a faci in one of the leadership seminars i attended while in university... we also met up with vikki and her sarawakian friend on the last night... they'd just finished their exams... we camped out on the small hill between the two stages... alternating our attention between the two whenever the stage lights were turned on on either. when it started raining, we had to run for cover, but we returned to the edge of the mosh pit when the rain dwindled to a drizzle. we had a blast of a time on the last night... it's really true that "the more the merrier".

besides RWMF 2008, we walked around kuching town, buying souvenirs and trying out a certain "spicy noodle" in a restaurant recommended by JH (who unfortunately was posted to a village that weekend)... it was good! hehe... we took a "sampan" ride across the river to try find Fort Margherita... but little did we know that the place was closed up (we found this out on the morning of our departure from vikki's sarawakian friend... su). during our "sampan" ride back, there were these two women who were busy posing for photos... then one lady decided to transfer herself to the other side and nearly tipped the boat! the boatman and some local men admonished the ladies and shook their heads... luckily we reached the harbourfront dry and in one piece... took a couple of pictures among the historical buildings and monuments... we visited the chinese civilisation museum too... and there was this man who was practically shouting into his handphone and bouncing on the creaking floorboards of the museum... effectively rattling the displays and causing a raucous in the normally quiet museum...

the trip was good... only thing was that i wished we'd had more time to go eco-sightseeing and see more of the natural side of sarawak. i guess i'll just have to wait for another time to fulfill this wish.

when we reached kl, getting back to shah alam was a problem. we'd arrived right smack in the middle of rush hour... workers were rushing back home and we were wielding our gigantic luggage... at first, our plan was to take the ktm komuter straight back to shah alam. but we could not get onto the train, even after 2 trains had come and gone... we witnessed a pregnant lady faint and fall onto the tracks and a couple of guys rushed down and carried her to safety before any train arrived... i think she must have had a bout of fits or something...

anyway, since we couldn't board the ktm komuter, i suggested we take putraline to kelana jaya where my mum could pick us up. and so we did... the lrt wasn't that packed and we had no problem travelling back to kelana jaya. although we wasted our fare for the ktm komuter... but the point is that we arrived safely and comfortably back in shah alam. and so ended our trip to kuching!

My pains

today's post is going to sound like a complaining old hag.

a few posts ago, i mentioned about a pain in my back (which i noticed after doing the whole washing clothes routine thing...). i don't know whether it was the exacerbation from that day or it was from a new unknown injury, but my back pains were very obvious on monday this week when i met up with BY to do our banking. on sunday the pains came in spasms (like 'now you feel it, now you don't!') and i thought maybe they were caused by my bad posture or something. on monday, stabbing pains went up my spine whenever i took a right step (especially when walking on the tar road). i felt like there was some friction between bones near the pelvic bone and lower vertebrae. being a true Wong (at least in this branch of family la) i started thinking of the worst... "what if it was slip disc (like my course mate has)?"... but BY thinks it's because i wore high heals the whole day from morning to night a week before... it could be... plus the bending and squatting while doing my laundry... could have added salt to the wound...

it's weird... first i started experiencing noticeable hair loss (my scalp's getting more visible), then eczema induced by stress, then heart palpitations (or whatever that's causing me to wake up in the hot afternoon with a slight tremble in my hands and a feeling like there's a mild earthquake occurring) and now these back pains. am i really aging that fast? and the funny thing is that it started when i was in form 6... whereas the eczema started when i was working on YV'07 (the concert and all!) and reoccurred when i was writing my thesis and preparing for my viva... thus, it is confirmed to be stress related! my so-called 'heart palpitations' started when i was staying in hostel but its occurrence was very much reduced when i moved back home... so perhaps it was partly caused by me feeling lonely? back pains? i don't know... maybe too much sour foods? i remember eating quite a lot of "kai choy tong" (sour spicy soup prepared with left over meat boiled with mustard plant foliage and tamarind... some people add distilled vinegar to accentuate the sourness) lately...